Kat

Have you ever met Kat?

I used to call Kat, Pumpkin. It was a secret code between us, so she would know it was mom calling her. On September 29th, 2006, I sat here and decided to write a letter to her. Only four months ago, she was right here, and I could hug and kiss her…
You know how someone can be so incredibly special to you, that their love completely fills your heart?... Just being in their presence can fill your heart with such joy you feel that it might burst from the intense happiness. Kat was that person for me. Her love was so pure, sweet, unconditional, complete. Her smile could immediately light me up inside, no matter how sad or tired I was feeling.      
I have so many priceless memories of our times together. We spent precious time together. I enjoyed  surfing the internet with her and find answers for all her questions and curiosities. On her own she loved to play games. Sometimes I played it her and I think she might have let me win once or twice. And it wasn't like she had to concentrate really hard to beat me either. Kat was the definition of "multi-tasking"and simply could not do one thing at a time. . Kat was incredibly gifted and became bored rather easily.
We had several special "Mom & Kat" DVDs  that we watched together every week. Her favorite one,Charlotte’s Web, Legally Blond,  I am sure we watched them more than a hundred times. She knew every word and song in all of her DVDs.
Kat absolutely loved books. In fact, I'm fairly certain that she was born with a book in her hand.   Lately she enjoyed reading all about dog’s stories. We read so many books together on the cold nights snugged under a blanket in bed. She also loved her dog Apolo, and imagined him as the hero of her books. She cuddled, kissed and spoiled him and he was so gentle with her.
Music was another one of Kat's great loves. I marveled at the diverse taste that ranged from April Lavigne, Bossa Nova, Jack Jonhson and Rock. We couldn't go anywhere without a stack of her special CD's and lately with her MP3, with all the music Wilhelm recorded for her.
But creativity did not stop with music. Kat also had a flare for drama.  She liked to act, do dance, to be on the stage. How many plays she, Suelem and Luana would rehearse and put up a show on Saturday evenings? She even charged us a ticket entrance.            
Kat was a very caring person. She always knew when, how, why, and where someone was hurting.  And by the same token, she could usually relieve their pain.    
Kat was a warrior too. Daily, she was challenged by her disease, HIV. She has had headaches, backaches all aches one never think of. She never complained, she never gave up, she always kept faith and hope. After almost 14  years of  pain and suffering she was overcoming her many challenges, she grew confident, resilient, and passionate about life. Kat's love was so unconditional and encompassing that it filled every breath I took. Her sweet smile was a bright as sunshine, and always filled my heart with joy. She took care of me when I had a headache, set me straight when I was wrong and made everything better with her heart-warming hugs. Kat hugs could heal any wound. They were  comforting like my mothers hugs. She truly gave her love.      
In every situation, she  knew and understood my every thought and feeling, ...often before I had a chance to understand them myself. Our souls were bonded together by the strongest ties of love.      
In fact, Kat loved everyone. She knew no strangers. A stranger was simply a person that she had yet to come across in life's path. Her kind heart and gentle spirit drew many people to her. It was especially beautiful to watch her interact with small children and the elderly. She touched their hearts, participated in what was important to them, and gave of herself completely. Daily, she would do things to brighten someone's day or let them know that they were special to her. I was given the gift of spending 11 years and ten months with the most precious and loving soul that God ever created.
I remember one day we sang a Beatlle song: Those were the days my friends, we thought they ll never end...." I always thought that I would have infinite days with her.

I can no longer hold Kat in my arms, help her fix her hair , go shopping for the perfect pink dress, play a game or share our favorite music. I know deep in my heart, that we are forever connected. I will forever cherish the precious gifts of love that she shared with me every day. The little notes of encouragement, the phone calls and torpedo messages to say she loved me, the way she snuggled with me when I came home and she told me about her day. She was always joyful, unconditionally loving, forgiving, and looked for the best in everyone. We breathed in unison, loved each other completely, and finished each other's thoughts without saying a word. She was my little girl, my best friend and companion. In short, she was my heart. She was every breath I took.      
I know now that she is a beautiful angel, dancing painlessly in Heaven with God's love surrounding her. But I long to hold her in my arms once again.  God placed a precious angel in my arms, to hold if but for a short time, but to love forever.   I will keep our happy memories alive until we can be together again.  
Kat, you are forever my Angel.  You left me your love. 
I miss you so much.  I love you!  "MOM"